Fun Stuff

Owning a house can be a blast but it also creates some interesting things. I get a ton of sales calls, I mean a lot more than I did when we lived in an apartment. Some of the are very inventive or at least hoping that I am a complete idiot.

"Hello"
"Yes Mr. McGregor this is Scotts lawncare, we are the people that take care of your lawn"
Now I live in a townhouse, someone else takes care of my lawn, I pay for it but someone else does it. Part of me is fairly certain it is a sales call and part of me thinks the HOA could just use Scotts and their setting up their first visit.
"Okay"
"Yes the previous owner ordered this process the last few years and we want to make sure your lawn looks the best in the neighborhood."
Well if the HOA does this why do they care about my lawn looking the best. Ordering something implies that it is a sales call. The previous owner didn't take care of anything, homeownership was not her strong suit. Also using the words 'previous owner' might work on someone else but to me it red flags you as wasting my time.
"Okay"
"Yes sir, it is an 8 part process, we'll go ahead and set you up for the time next weekend. Each visit costs $49.95."
Bingo.
"Let me stop you, we own a townhouse, the HOA takes care of the lawn."
"No sir, you need to purchase this. The previous owner did as well."
Um...yeah, I need to purchase a bridge as well.
"Naw, I'm pretty sure the HOA will take care of us. Thanks."
Trying to be nice isn't my strong suit when I've had enough of a salesman but I was giving him an out.
"Mr. McGregor, you really need to get this or your lawn isn't going to as good this year. Plus like I said before the previous owner was very happy with this service."
Now I was just going to hang up but I figure I will put him on the spot just a little.
"Really? Well the entire subdivision has the same basic looking lawns. It is a townhouse, I don't think $400 is needed to seed my yard. My yard is measure in feet, not yards, it is a townhouse."
"Sir, it isn't $400, it is 8 treatments at $49.95..."
Idiot
"Yeah, my 3rd grade math training tells me $50 times 8 is $400, I figured they'd go over that in salesman school. It is hard to meet your quotas without being able to multiply."
"Well if you look at the numbers like that I guess it is close to $400..."
What is this guy Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader is your father, killed your father, just depends on how you look at it.
"Yeah, I'm not interested. Sure $399.60 is huge savings from $400. I'm still not interested."
I think he was confused as to how I could get the actual figure, not hard. You save .05, 8 times, take that from $400. Math is hard. Now I'm having too much fun not to keep on for a little bit.
"Sir, the last owner..."
Now I interrupt him for the third time
"Really, who was the last owner? Did you deal with him?"
Let's see, he doesn't know the last owner obviously, maybe he'll bite. Most lawns are taken care of by the male...
"Yes sir, he was very pleased..."
Bingo
"Well only a woman lived here before us, nice try. Try some other idiot."
Still not wanting to give up he keeps talking while I hang up on him.